Open Letter On My Birthday

The terror starts developing a month before the ‘birthday’ arrives. The mind begins to wander and thoughts encapsulate the incoming jinxed occasion. While most of the people are usually excited about their birthdays, there is me, who considers it a completely obnoxious event. What is possibly so good about coming into this world?

Somewhere between ordering a theme cake and picking any one from the display, I grew up.

Going back in the memory lane, I could see myself excited about my birthday, about the surprise parties, about the gifts that I used to get and the unwrapping of them. I don’t know when did that part of me was left behind. Was it childhood I left behind? Was it all an ecstasy of infancy that got strangulated on the way?

Somewhere between having entire family come over and going out with friends for entire day, I grew up.

I can’t recall since when I started loathing my birthday. As the youth hit, the present count started to reduce, so did the guests. But was that the sole reason for disliking the day? Maybe it had been, if the presents could influence the present or bring back someone’s presence.

Somewhere between having two birthday cakes and having none, I grew up.

As I put pen to paper, I ask myself when did the most real expression turned into a pretense. How did I reach to this place where the most awaited day of the year turned into the most unwanted one. Maybe it was worries of adulthood that struck like a lightning bolt and burned the felicity of the kid. Maybe it was insecurity creeping in?

Somewhere between trying to stay up till midnight for wishes and making efforts to fall asleep an hour before, I grew up.

The kid grew up or maybe the childhood suffocated, but the memory of it remained. It echoes through the brain every year, on the ‘birthday’. The traces of it will be revived again as the day arrives and will leave me in silence as the day departs. Perhaps the best we can do is turn off the lights, turn on the music and swim into the pool of best days of our lives.

Somewhere between anticipating for the day to come and foreseeing it to pass by, life happened.

Picture Credit : Sanjay Pal

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2 Replies to “Open Letter On My Birthday”

  1. I have often wondered why I started to ignore my birthdays at the age of 28. I am a woman but I do not attribute this to the mysterious milestone of 30. As a child I wanted to become an independent and educated adult, which has turned out to be something else than expected. As time elapses I realise that how hard my parents’ life was and how well they deceived me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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